The Bag Bandit
Cut Lines: Why
because, I said so
and, because, little time of late has been given to public-facing writing. With that, you are warmly welcomed to this pantheon of preponderant pomp, a curiously porous stronghold of unsolicited opinion. From hunched-over seat atop jelly-wobble tower, I proffer didactic drivel concerning all gentlepersonly interest: why—perhaps—golf courses ought to be abolished, how the turn dog will meet its all-too-timely demise, what we cover our bodies with, the weirdest fucking golf swings you’ll ever see.
Join me on this dalliance with critical thought. Voice your concern, share your request, swing your swing.
the tap in
each cut lines newsletter contains a question: an opportunity for reflection. if comfortable, share your responses by replying to this email.
if you could play golf with a younger version of yourself, what would you talk to them about?
have you heard?
a California Assembly bill may authorize local governments to close municipal golf courses, and receive state subsidies for affordable housing development in their place. More on this soon.
golf’s foray into Web3 builds steam, as Steph Curry joins LinksDAO’s effort to purchase a top-100 golf course with cryptocurrency. Even more more on this soon.
the Jordan 1 lows were released as golf shoes. But were they? Prospective buyers are struggling to track them down (I bought them at a MF Roger Dunn before they were meant to be sold. rofl.). Check your local retailers on Saturday.
Bradford, Drew, and myself from Group Golf Therapy recently debuted our first piece of merchandise: the Mind Your Golf Artists Series.
We teamed up with three of our favorite digital artists—Tony Knapton, Chris Cavanaugh, and Luke Schaffner—who all helped us depict how golf makes us feel. And y'all: THEY NAILED IT.
What's more, every cent of profit from your purchase of a Mind Your Golf print directly benefits three organizations who offer crucial mental health services around the country: the National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, and Courage Milwaukee.
The 18x24-inch prints are now available for presale, and will be delivered to you along with a digital signature of authenticity, art description, and information about the organizations supported by the Mind Your Golf series.
Purchase a print here:
turn stand: golf food is garbage
I’ll never not bring my own food to a golf course. Well, maybe not “never not”. But something big has to happen first: golf courses need to figure out how to serve good food. Until that happens, courses should outsource that work to people who have a proven history of churning out dishes that can be eaten on the go, namely food trucks. Some courses are ahead of the curve with this idea, and it’s working. Getting one or two food trucks to park it in a golf course’s lot offers diversity in cuisine, moderate pricing, and flat-out delicious food. I’m here to help push this cycle along.
Unfortunately, the *state of golf course food* has work to do. Heat lamp rotisserie hot dogs give another meaning to “low and slow”. Slabs of American cheese in breakfast sandwiches cling helplessly to their foil wrappers. Turkey, lettuce, and tomato become indistinguishable from one another as they meld in the back of the fridge for hours on end.
But golf and food should be deliciously intertwined. So I’m introducing turn stand: a section solely dedicated to investigating, showcasing, and ultimately enhancing relationships between golf and food.
Even if you take culinary matters into your own hands, like I do, it’s at a risk: most courses employ the Draconian “no outside food allowed” rule. Punishable by what, though? Are you telling me that if I have the audacity to smuggle in a homemade sandwich that I’ll be booted from the property? Or is it more severe—will they make an example out of me? A fair repercussion could result in being mounted in stocks at one side of the putting green, while junior golfers are encouraged to chuck mealy apples at my face. Being scarecrow-stationed in replacement of the driving range’s 50-yard marker sounds like a good eye-for-eye to me.
It’s not all doom and gloom for golf and food. While most positive dining experiences at golf courses occur at private clubs or resorts—Bandon Dunes, for example, boasts a handful of truly great restaurants and on-course food stands—there are public city courses who have installed enlightened food options on their grounds.
Consider Glendoveer Golf & Tennis, a laid back 36-hole public facility in Portland, Oregon—a city notoriously obsessed with good eats and drinks. In 2018, Glendoveer tapped Von Ebert Brewing to open a brick and mortar beer hall and restaurant right on site, to give golfers a relaxed environment to get a good meal and premium local beers after playing. A smoked brisket sandwich, “west coast poutine”, and BBQ pork belly lettuce wraps ride the menu; an encouraging and progressive departure from some of the horror shows that exit most golf course kitchens.
Glendoveer isn’t alone in its maverick pursuit to marry good golf with good food. And with that, here’s what you can expect from this, the turn stand section:
Profiles of golf courses doing food the right way: the best snack shacks, drinks carts, halfway houses, and clubhouse restaurants in the game
Interviews with chefs and golfers alike, about their relationships with food and golf
Imaginings of the best beer and wine pairings for the most legendary golf courses out there
Course-friendly recipes for you to try out yourself